more here than there (a spoken-word poem)

I’m seven years into this thing

And feeling a little cheated

That there wasn’t a sign

Marking the point of no return

 

They said “you’re brave”

And I said “it’s easy”

But I didn’t know then

That saying “yes” was the same as

saying “no”

 

And that I would pass a point

(I wouldn’t even notice it passing)

From which it wouldn’t be just hard

to return

But impossible

 

Or maybe it wasn’t a single point

It was the passing of 220 million 898

thousand 482 points

A point for every second of the past

seven years

 

Because I’ve tried to trace it back

Like fault lines on a map

But all the roads have changed

 

And there’s here and there’s there

There’s now and there’s then

But now is happening there too

And I’m so spun around I can’t find

north any more

 

But I can close my eyes and stop the

spinning

And my heart says quietly

“I’m here”

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